The Slick and Easy Way to Hook Up

And no, this isn’t a guide to scoring in bars or anywhere else. Since I
might have attracted a few hopeful studs with the title, before I continue—to quote Joey Tribbiani...

“How you doin’?”






All right, just so we’re clear, I’m talking fiction. Picture this:

Johnny rested his hip against the bar, idly tracing odd shapes on the worn wood counter with the condensation from his beer. A long day straddled on a beam under the hot sun nailing down planks had left him parched and sore. He should have gone home, rubbed lotion on his burns, and crashed on the sofa with some rotgut.

Instead he’d let his baser brains drag him here to watch the pretty young things that had passed the construction site flirt with every rough neck in the bar. Worse thing was, the way the girls laughed jarred his teeth worse than a drill bit grazing a steel girder. Just imagining one of the two under him, squealing in pleasure made his head throb.

Hell, I’m not that horny.

The light scent of fresh clipped green things drifted over the aroma of bar brew and tobacco, so unexpected and sweet he inhaled deep before he turned.

Karen, the daughter of the guy who sold fancy flowers for weddings and such. He’d seen her before. Cute little thing, just back from some relief effort in the jungle—or so he’d heard. Looked like she’d helped her dad around the shop. She sure smelled good.

And if she hadn’t changed in the years she’d been gone, she was nice and quiet.
He slid closer to her and whispered in her ear. “Are your legs tired, honey? Because you've been...”

All right, cut!

Decent scene, normal guy, might even be sexy as hell. But I don’t want him to get the girl. I’m groaning and rolling my eyes already. If she so much as gives him the time of day, I’m hoping she gets some kind of VD.

Okay, not really, but I won’t enjoy them getting together either. Maybe it’s just me, but if I’m going to fall for a quick seduction, it’s got to be handled right. As a writer I know that for readers to fall in love with an erotic hero they have to be convinced that he could seduce them.

Now I’m gonna list 5 ways you can help your intense, alpha hero get the girl. Now.

1. He needs to look in her eyes.

Anyone that says ‘duh’ gets chained to the wall for all our sexy cover models to use so be careful.

Eye contact is often used all wrong. It’s slipped in with dialogue, but if you’re in the head of a male on the prowl, he needs to spend some time observing those big blue eyes he’s trapped under his dark gaze. Are her pupils dilated? (if you’re a writer and you don’t know what that means, please look it up. It’s important) Is she blinking fast? Does she look away and back?

These are clues. Your man needs to know how to use them. He must study his prey.

2. He can’t think about wanting to sit her on the bar and screw her silly—not yet anyway.

Everything in his posture should say he’s content to be where he is, just watching her. If she’s not interested, she’ll leave. But if she’s stayed this long, he’s got one last shot before she’s out of hearing.

3. Now, he may speak.

The words must be chosen carefully, but not seem to be. And they must imply several things. I’m interested, but not desperate. It’s your move. (Of course, if she’s a submissive or a dome and they’re in a BDSM club, the conversation will be a little different, but you can use the basics).

4. Read body language.

If she’s inviting him in, he better not miss it. A little shift forward, the way her legs cross, where the tips are pointed. Is she licking her lips? Has her breathing changed?

5. Now the kiss.

Time to show your hand, buddy. The right kind of kiss can overwhelm all sense of right and wrong and make a girl do naughty things.

Unless he’s caught himself a naughty girl. Then the stakes change. But we’ll save that for another lesson. Imagine the scene above with Johnny taking the time to look at Karen, give her a moment to see that he’s only interested in her, ask her about the flower shop and mention how much he likes the fresh scents clinging to her. Her lashes lower, but she’s breathing fast.

Then he takes her mouth, slow, gentle at first, then firm and deep when she presses against him.

Now he can screw her on the bar and I won’t be disgusted by her. So long as I get my turn. ;)

And now, let me introduce myself (saved this for last because I’m not as interesting as Johnny’s sex life). I am Bianca Sommerland, author of Erotic Fantasies that often includes ménages or polyamory. I also read—a lot—and this post comes not only from what I’ve learned as a writer, but what I expect as a reader. Feel free to disagree, in your head or in the nifty comments box below.

You can learn more about me and my books here I'm No Angel Authors Blog. I’ll return to the Noble Author’s Blog April 1st to talk writing and sex.

Have a great weekend. It’s been a pleasure.